Shining a Light in Investing’s Dark Alleys: Worst Wirehouse Portfolios

Every good advisor has seen it: the prospective client who walks into their office with a portfolio that stinks to high heaven. Larded up with everything from bloated-fee mutual funds, to illiquid REITs, to IPO stocks, to complex debt derivatives, these horrid portfolios usually have way more risk than clients understand.

Today, our advisors use the Portfolios tool in Riskalyze Pro to share their risk analysis of these portfolios with prospects, and that’s been a key driver to help those advisors close the deal and win those new clients.

We hear so many of these horror stories that we wanted to give you advisors an easy, fun and hilarious way to share them with each other. So what better way to do that than a classic game of “Mad Libs?”

That’s why we’ve launched WorstWirehousePortfolios.com. With a few clicks, advisors can fill in the blanks and share their stories of harrowing encounters with horrid portfolios.

Here are a few of the great entries so far.

Michael, an advisor in California, shared about the 82 year old woman whose broker sold her Facebook IPO stock and had 87% of her money in stocks. Her portfolio has six month downside risk of -29%.

Jack, an advisor in Nevada, shared about a portfolio with -14% downside risk that he believes was reviewed every time a third party candidate has won the White House.

And Josh, back in California, shared about a portfolio with -15% downside risk and fees that could “probably support Charlie Sheen’s drug habit.”

If you’re an advisor, we hope you’ll share your Worst Wirehouse Portfolio story, and consider using the free tools in Riskalyze Pro to assess client risk tolerance, and build portfolios that fit within their expectations.

(And as we state in fine print at the bottom, if this joke of a web site makes you angry, please stop selling derivatives and penny stocks to grandmothers, and start using Riskalyze Pro instead.)

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